can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
