you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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