why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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