Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
