I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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