Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
