i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
