ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Boobs are out for the taking
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
