it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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