you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
