Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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