I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You are the jesus of drinking
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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