peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
