I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
