I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
