Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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