Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
