dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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