So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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