well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
