I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
