I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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