yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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