What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
