my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
