That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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