So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We were destined to go to rehab together
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
