just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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