my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
