8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what day is it and did you see me today?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
