I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
