i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
