There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
