I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
