apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
