By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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