i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
