How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
