I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
