things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
