I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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