I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
