does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
