return my video game
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
