I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
