I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
