fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
