im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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