I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
don't judge my taste in strippers
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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