Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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