There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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