She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
